English

Question

i had to write a new essay can y'all proofread it please:


Most parents are unsure whether their student listening to music during class and while doing homework is a good thing. Parents are scared that listening to music will effect their students grades and lower them majorly. I personally think not because i'm a young teen who loves music. My mom used to hate it if I listened to music while doing school work but finally she gave in and now she lets me listen to music while I do my work. I usually listen to encouraging or motivational music but, I listen to music so much that I forget to keep the songs on encouraging ones. My grades aren't really effected by music though. It is not the music that effects the students grades. It is whether they grasp the concept and i was actually taught a really important skill music can help me with, the skill is say you have remember a formula for a math problem, turn PEMDAS into a song or a rhyme. I learned the skill from my Uncle.
Some beats have been proven to actually help develope critical thinking and help with mathematical concepts. Also music can make someone more energetic. According to an article that was published in the "Jornal of educational psychology" Glenn E. Schellenberg established that a child's IQ and academic performance can be improved by taking music lessons. Schellenberg notes that the effct of the music is even larger when the lessons are taken at longer times. "Encourage your student to go to a music lesson as often as possible to enhance your child's grades in school." states Schellenberg. Having music play in the background creates a relaxed atmosphere while your child studies and helps enhance concentration during studying. Music helps build a child's confidence too but, listening to music while studying doesn't help all children.
Remember how when you were younger you were taught a song to learn the alphabet and the song went "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, AND Z. Now I know my ABC's next time won't you sing with me.", well it helped you learn the alpphabet didn't it so why can't other music help? You were also probably taught rhymes and other song to remember other things as well. Sometime though music won't effect a student at all.
In my opinion music is an amazing way to escape or show your feelings because not only is it good for improving grades but it can also help with depression. I should know that it helps with sadness and depression because music has actually helped me fight depression. I believe that if people actually focused on making encouraging music than a lot of kids, teens, and even adults would actually not worry if everyone is going to like them. Music can connect people too such as if you like a specific band and I like the same band. Music can also change your mood from sad to happy, or mad to understanding, or from selfdoubt to confidence. Just think if music can change your mood and make you confident about your choices then just think what it could if you played music in a classroom, just think how much grades would increase, and how much depression would decrease, I imagine that one day teachers, tutors, and parents everywhere will play music while their students are testing, doing schoolwork, and doing homework.
In 6th grade my math teacher would play classical music and make up rhymes so that we would have a better understanding and so that we were relaxed. It is also said that Thomas Jefferson used music to help write the Declaration of Independence. When he couldn't think of what to write he would play his violin until he had a thought of what to put on the Declartion of Independence. Albert Einstien one of the smartest men to ever live did extremely poor in school and instead of his parents following his teachers advice they bought him a violin. He learned fairly quickly to play it and music became the one thing that brought him to the success of being one of the smartest men to ever live on earth. Einstien has even claimed that the reason he was so smart was because the music from the violin helped. It is proven that music can relax and slow down the heart beat if it is soft and increase the beat of the heart if the music is fast.

thanks worth 29 points because it is so long.

2 Answer

  • in the first sentence you might want to replace 'student' with child because its the parents children not a teachers student, but if you like it the way it is it would be fine to keep it, it would just be better to clarify it. Also in the 1st sentence you might want to change 'during class' to 'during school' and the 'and' to 'or'. You might also want to change 'thing' in the 1st sentence to 'choice' because because having the word thing in an essay isnt the best of choices. effect in the second sentence should be affect (im like 95% sure, but you might want to look it up). Second sentence change students to students' (because multiple students are possessive over their grades). also change majorly to greatly. to sound more professional you might want to change the 3rs sentence to: personally, i do not think that is the truth. after that sentence you should then identify yourself as a teenager (teen is unprofessional) who likes to listen to music. change mom to mother and was doing school... to I was doing school.... Also thats a run on sentence so put a period before but, get rid of but and start the new sentence off with 'finally'. the type of music you listen to isnt important to the prompt and you should probably take it out. the next sentence you should exchange really with actually and put a coma between music and though. next sentence change effect to affect and students to students'. the next sentence is a run on which can be turned into at least 3 sentences. also it isnt entirely important where you learned the skill. after the sentence about your uncle, put musical infront of beats, also develop is spelled without an e at the end. next sentence change someone to some people. next sentence you dont need the quotation marks but you do need to have a coma after the title of where you got the info. next sentence effect is spelled wrong. in your qoute change the period before the quotation mark ends to a coma. next sentence change your to a (its a big no to have you, your, youre in a paper of this manner). to be honest the whole next sentence about confidence and not helping all just shouldnt be in the paper. also in the abcs quote change the first period to a question mark. also the 'didnt it' is a rhetorical question and shouldn't be in the paper. next sentence change things to information. leave out the next sentence, dont put a sentence in a paper that goes against your thesis. sentence about 'i should know...' leave out the 'should' part because it creates a sense of doubt. next sentence change than to then. also take out actually and change 'not worry if everyone likes them' to 'they wouldnt worry and not be self conscious'. next sentence put a coma after too and change it to 'if two people like the same music' try not to say i or my or me in an essay. next sentence self doubt is two words. next sentence get rid of the first just think and alter deppresion (because depression is a whole other topic that cant be helped with just music) and instead put sadness. put a period and start a new sentence with 'i imagine...'. on the Albert Einstein sentence, put a coma before one of the smartest men and get rid of ever to live then put a coma after smartest men. the last fact about the heartbeat is unneeded. add a last sentence thesis like "i believe music is good for people because (reason 1) and (reason 2).
  • When most people first think of the term mathematics or the word "Algebra," they don't get too excited. Most people tend to say "I hate math!" or the big one, "When are we ever going to use it in our lives." The fact is that algebra will be used in our lives whether we know it or not. For instance, if we were to attend a football game all it is, is one big math problem. In football mathematics can be used in a variety of different ways. It can be used in the game itself, the business portion (ticket sales), or the building of the stadium. Without math the world would not be the same as we know it to be today.

    One way that we can apply math or algebra to the game of football is trying to find out the revenue collected by ticket sales. Without the use of algebra a football team owner couldn't accurately calculate incoming revenues. Most likely he would be losing more money then he would be making. A professional football team is based on a salary cap. There is billions of dollars invested in the sport and the money needs to be keeping track of.

    Another way that algebra could be used in the game of football is trying to find the total gain or loss of yards made by the players. This is good for player stats as well as game stats. In football you can use algebra to try and determine how much further you have to go to score or attempt a field goal. These can be major factors in a very close game to plan out a good strategy. This game is basically about skill and strategy and math can be a tool that can lead to success in both areas.

    The more major part in football that can use math is the building of the stadium. To build a good stadium for fans to be entertained you must have perfect calculations. More importantly is the safety of the people. When most people first think of the term mathematics or the word "Algebra," they don't get too excited. Most people tend to say "I hate math!" or the big one, "When are we ever going to use it in our lives." The fact is that algebra will be used in our lives whether we know it or not. For instance, if we were to attend a football game all it is, is one big math problem. In football mathematics can be used in a variety of different ways. It can be used in the game itself, the business portion (ticket sales), or the building of the stadium. Without math the world would not be the same as we know it to be today.

    One way that we can apply math or algebra to the game of football is trying to find out the revenue collected by ticket sales. Without the use of algebra a football team owner couldn't accurately calculate incoming revenues. Most likely he would be losing more money then he would be making. A professional football team is based on a salary cap. There is billions of dollars invested in the sport and the money needs to be keeping track of.

    Another way that algebra could be used in the game of football is trying to find the total gain or loss of yards made by the players. This is good for player stats as well as game stats. In football you can use algebra to try and determine how much further you have to go to score or attempt a field goal. These can be major factors in a very close game to plan out a good strategy. This game is basically about skill and strategy and math can be a tool that can lead to success in both areas.

    The more major part in football that can use math is the building of the stadium. To build a good stadium for fans to be entertained you must have perfect calculations. More importantly is the safety of the people.

NEWS TODAY